"Do you have a job?" Nope
"Do you go to college/uni then?" Well no
"So what exactly do you do?" Well...
I guess it's really pride, I'd love to give a normal answer, a answer that showed I did actually do something with my life!
In truth I live one day at a time, or at least try to! Why can it be so hard to do that sometimes? Is it something common to all people, to want to jump ahead and plan the future, or is that just me?
I'm still recovering from so many years of nothing. Physically, although I often ignore it at my own cost, I'm not as strong as I should be, even if a thousand times better than I was in the past I still do tire quicker.
Really I do alot now, at least comparing my life to how it was. I'm out six nights a week, with things at the church and youth clubs, spend two half days helping in a cafe, and another day pretty much occupied with activities at church, piano lessons and a lunchtime club in a school I've started helping with.
At the moment it's really just enough, and most importantly I know I'm in the place God wants me, and I know as long as I stay there He will provide all the strength I need.
Then there's the whole social side of life, and all the emoticons that go along with that.
Six years and everyone seems to have grown up and moved on in life, all except me!
And that can hurt so much, it's so easy to start looking back and thinking, all those years gone...
And meanwhile the worlds moved on, all my old friends have left for uni, college or work, one of my best friends as a child has even married.
How do I even begin to relate to people when all I've known is God and the inside of my bedroom for so long. I'd find myself on the edge of crying, 'God I need friends, I need relationships, yeah your called the God who is more than enough for all my needs, but I want friends to share stuff with, to have fun with, talk to, laugh with'.
And afterwards I'd always come back to that place of such awesome peace knowing God was in control, until I was put back into a situation where I felt it all over again, the heartbreak of wanting such a simple thing.
I did learn one thing though, how important it is to be God conscience and not self conscience, the moment I'd start looking at others or myself rather than the very God who bought me through, and is bring me through, so much then I'd fall back into that place of pain.
Now I look back a year or so and I see my prayers and cries answered yet again. It's like I didn't even notice it happening, but through different things God has just brought everything together.
I have friends now, even met up with a few old ones, I feel part of the youth group at church, and the weirdest thing is the very people I feel I can't relate to are the very age I seem to be working more and more with.
What with youth clubs and even dipping my toes in school work, it's like God's directing me into things that seemed so unlikely not so long ago.
So that's really where I'm at at the moment, even if it does make a rather long answer to the question "so what do you do?" !
I still want more, Gods still got so much more to change in me, but His timing is so perfect, He makes everything slot together just right.
One thing that God promised me when I was ill, and someone prayed over me last year was:
Joel 2:25 So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
And I will hold onto that promise! :)
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