Freedom

I've not updated this recently, not because nothing’s happened (far from it); rather I've not been sure exactly what to write.
Gods been showing and teaching me so much lately, however they're things I'd find difficult to put into words. Like flakes of snow, so small in themselves, yet every one adding to the other to form something larger and much more noticeable.
It's like Gods been doing lots of little bits and pieces in me, one week it's one thing the next it's something else.
He will show me one area or a certain word for a while and then it will be something different, yet each stage seems to link and join up with the last in some way. And that's something that continues to amaze me, and really convince me that God is so in control of all this, that as I look back the things He's telling me now tie in so perfectly with the things He's shown me in the past.
It's like many angles of one ball, all being sculptured and brought to light at different times until one day I shall stand complete in the very image of the One I live to serve :)


I found a few short video clips, of a revival that happened around 15 years ago in the Philippines, recently that have encouraged me no end.
Some would say these people were out of control and driven by emoticon, but one look into their faces, the joy, the total devotion and adoration towards Jesus would surely dismiss such claims.
To see people unafraid to dance with all their might, laugh, cry, and just let God have His way in their lives is so beautiful.
And it's given me a hunger, a hunger to see more of God, to see more of His Spirit, to see Him have His way totally in my life and the lives of those around me.
I will no longer settle for anything less than that.

Any less than to see the church as she should be, to see my life as it should be.
To read of what God has done in times gone by, in other areas of the world, and other churches is encouraging and instills hope, but I'm not just happy to read the stories, I must live this!
I wrote three months ago of the new thing God was outworking in our church, and I'm so glad of that, and since that time I have seen change, compared to several months ago our church has come on miles, yet it is still so far off where it ought to be.

I long with all my heart for the Spirit to be given complete control, for all the restrictions to be taken off.
Why is it so easy to give the Spirit freedom in measure, yet never venture far from our comfort zone, and never lose too much control?
It's like everything is geared to reaching a point in our meetings where God begins to move amongst us, but as soon as He does it's on to the next thing, where does that leave God?
Surely that should be the starting point rather than the climax anticipated?

But no more. I've learnt over the years that prayer does change things, and does change hearts.
I am my Beloveds, and He is mine, and He shall build His church!
To just return to the simplicity of walking in the Spirit and letting Him takeover and lead, that's my hearts desire at this time.

Really it's so very simple, revival is so so simple, give God time and space to move and He will.

Sea of faces

And In Your eyes I can see
And in Your arms I will be
I am not just a man, vastly lost in this world
Lost in a Sea of Faces

Lyrics from a song by Kutless.

There's a tendency to just see people as faces, walking down the street as the faces go by, often never to be seen again.

I often think it's almost like a film or book. I can be watching or reading about a character and for a moment take on that role myself, imagining myself in that persons place taking on the emotions and feelings, longing for there to be a happy ending.

A good author has that ability, to describe details so well that for a while at least the reader can enter that realm of fiction.

But that extends into the real world to, it's only as we begin to form relationships that we discover that there's more than just a face, there's a person and a story behind that mask, and to be let into part of a persons life like that is a tremendous privilege really.

The last few weeks I've really been under attack, and not just me alone but those I care about around me.

It's like when God moves it stirs up things that have lain dormant, and along side the beauty the ugly side of people seems to rise to the surface.

However I know my God is so faithful, and I'm certain that He who started a good work will surely finish it :)

I was reading Song of Solomon the other day and it talks about us ravishing Gods heart with just one look of our eyes.

What an amazing statement that is, we just glance up and it melts the very heart of God, such love.

Such incredible love!

Lost For Words...

Well not quite or else there would be no post! However to describe exactly where I'm at and what I feel God is doing right now would be simply impossible.

It's been a while since writing anything here, and there's a lot of gaps that really should be filled in, but I have neither the time nor the motivation to start that right now.

Suffice to say God has done an awful lot in the last month, time after time He's lead me into situations that have resulted in amazing conversations, demonstrations of His power, and most importantly the glory of His name.

I've had times of such immense joy, and also times when that joy has been overshadowed by loneliness, but in the words of an Eritrean friend of mine 'God is good, God is good, God is good!'.

Holiness seems to be the word of the last few weeks, to seek a revelation of how Holy God really is.

It's easy to soften the attributes of God to make Him appear more approachable and 'nice' and fit our idea of what a god should be.

But there is a sense of awe and wonder, a sense of being undone and lost for words, a fear of the Lord.

Yes God is loving, merciful, faithful, a Father and also a friend, and through Jesus we can approach Him boldly and confidently; but God is also holy, righteous, pure, with a tremendous hatred and wrath towards sin.

It's only with that backdrop that we can really start to appreciate exactly what Jesus accomplished on that cross.

This last Sunday was truly amazing. In the morning the worship was so charged and anointed. We were called to go forward and gather at the front for communion whilst we worshipped, I was totally lost in God when my dad placed his hand on my head, only for a second, and shouted 'Hallelujah!', at that moment I felt power rush through my body, almost like electricity, I could barely keep my balance after I kept staggering almost falling over. Then after a few minuets one of the elders started praying over me and said 'Just let go' (strange as those were the exact words I'd heard a few weeks back at RAW, that I needed to let go and worship would be the key to that) and I collapsed to the floor.

I've never experienced that before, I just lay there as God ministered to me, I could feel Him all over me it was an amazing experience.

I made it back to my seat after a bit, in rather a daze, just as the preacher started speaking, every word hitting home so hard.

I thought 'God you've blown me away this morning' but if I thought He'd done that in the morning the evening was going to just about finish me off!...

Often in our church sadly Sunday nights tend to be more dry than the mornings, fewer people go and the worship is often cut short to keep the meeting from being to long.

But straight from the start the night was anointed. You could feel Gods presence so heavily, the young people were on their knees crying (that does not happen in our church usually!), it was just an incredible atmosphere of worship.

You could feel the glory of God pressing down so heavily that half way through I had to leave the room for a few minuets, I was just so overwhelmed.

My dad was due to speak that night but he went up to and just stood there for five minuets, before saying 'I can't speak tonight, I feel I have no license from God to break into what he's doing here', so we just worshipped the whole evening.

Last night the prayer meeting was amazing, I really believe God is doing a new thing in our church and a new thing in me, and I'm so excited about it!

I've felt like I've been walking on clouds the last few days, God is answering my prayers yet again, oh wow my God is good! :)

RAW

It's been just over a week now since returning from 'RAW', a christian youth event run by the Jesus Army in Northampton.

It was an amazing experience, far better than I expected. Four or five hundred young people with such a passion and zeal for God; full of the Spirit, moving in the gifts of the Spirit so readily, just totally sold out and on fire for Jesus. Encouraging to say the least!

God spoke to me in quite a few small ways, not that I even went with any particular questions.

I was originally planning to go alone but in the end took a friend along who ended up getting baptised, which was just the icing on the cake for me :)

Whilst we were there we stayed in a local community house, and what struck me more than anything was the tremendous love and warmth I felt there, I don't think I've felt love that strong from a group of people before.

It's hard to believe the bond you can build with people over just a few days, I felt like I was leaving my family behind when it was time to return home.

Since getting back I've been struggling a bit. A combination of trying to settle back in to 'normal' life (not that a christians' life should ever really be normal!), being a little overtired, and discovering some things sting more than expected. Just feeling very insecure really, it's like something that sits there just waiting to pounce and creeps in so easily.

A guy prayed over me whilst I was away and mentioned worship and how as I worshipped I'd breakthrough, and I believe that's a word for now.

I've learned from experience that when I worship God my focus is on Him and not myself, and everything else, insecurity, fear, rejection, whatever it may be fades away.

The joy of the Lord is my strength, and I have no intention of letting the devil rob from me all that God has taught and shown me over the last few weeks! :)

The Wall

It's been a while since I've found the motivation to update this, but now I have a bit of spare time I'll give it a try.

The other day I decided to do something a little but crazy, and more than a little bit challenging, to be precise bike 24 miles to go get a milkshake, a very nice McDonalds' milkshake at that!

There was honestly more behind it than merely the milkshake though, it was my step of faith, to do something only possible in Gods strength.

The most I've biked before is maybe 5 miles, to bike that far in my own strength at the moment would be impossible for me, but God showed His provision.

A while back God made me a promise, He said 'Whatever you put you're hand to I will give you the strength to do it'.

Half way there I felt so ill and faint, I'd forgotten how many hills were on the way and as I came up to a very big one my heart sank! But I reminded myself of Gods promise, prayed and felt considerably better after. David running towards the giant came into my mind, if God is for me what can be against me?!

All the way back from that journey God seemed to be saying 'Didn't I tell you?, Didn't I tell you?', yes He told me and yes He came through for me yet again! :)

The more I see the more I believe, with God with me nothing will ever be impossible, and no enemy will ever win!

Walls seem to be a big theme at the moment. Right back in January God spoke to me in two parts, the second part was that I'd break down strongholds and build up walls that are broken.

I can't say I really understood that fully at the time, and still don't, but since then similar words seem to be popping up all over the place.

A few weeks ago a friend had a picture of a city, the walls that were meant to be protecting the city were in a state of ruin. Along the walls were towers, some totally dilapidated, others fairly intact, but the walls between them were in ruins.

The towers represented individual churches, the city the church as a whole, and the walls protecting the city and linking the towers were broken down. We were outside the city trying to draw people in, but who would want to enter a city in such a state?

Then a couple of days ago I felt lead to read Nehemiah 4 for no apparent reason, and 2 verses just jumped out at me:

⁷ But when Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the men of Ashdod heard that the repairs to Jerusalem's walls had gone ahead and that the gaps were being closed, they were very angry. ⁸ They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it.

I'm not sure what all this means, or what my place in it is, but it's like Gods drawing everything together, I love how God does that!

He knows everything, and puts everything into place so perfectly.

Apart from all that my heart feels a little lonely at the moment. But I know God has everything in hand, and I trust He will make everything beautiful in my life, He always has and I know He always will! :)

Holiday!

Yeah that's right today I'll be off on holiday, the first time for eight years! Looking back I have just so have much to praise God for, where I am today, what I have today, who I have today, none of it would of been possible if it wasn't for Him.

Sometimes it's easy to be so caught up in the future that you forget all the great and mighty things God has already done, just looking back the last year I'm totally amazed.

The things God has done in me, what He's doing in the youth and my church it's just awesome, and it's all things I once prayed for but never really noticed happening until I look back and see just how much God has done.

It will be nice just to get away for a bit. The last week or two have been tough, I've just felt so attacked really.

Thoughts of fear and rejection seem to be bombarding me all the time, and just stupid things like being woken up in the night and struggling to sleep, I hate sleep but unfortunately I need it!

Gods caused me to stand pretty strong in it all, but it still seems to wear me down, the constant lies the devil seems to whisper in my ear.

I've learnt to stand on the truth of Gods word in those times though, the devil is a liar but God is Truth!

The devil may tell me I'm rejected but my God says that I'm accepted in the beloved, adopted into Gods' family, and made everything in Christ Jesus! The devil stands there shouting rejected, yet he is the essence of rejection himself, cast out of heaven and rejected by God.

He may tell me to be afraid but does not God say perfect love casts out all fear, and does not perfect Love dwell in me? And does it not say that it is in fact the demons who fear and tremble?! The only weapon the devil has against me is words, and Gods' word says no power of the enemy shall by any means harm me. His words are lies, and nothing but weapons to use against him.

He stands there trying to make my heart fear yet he is the picture of fear itself, while I have been set free and made accepted, clothed in righteousness, and seated in heavenly places with Jesus!

So I will dance on that mountaintop, because as always my Gods made a way and is making a way, and nothing the devil does shall stop that! :)

My Rock

This weeks been strange really, I've had some good times but it's been a bit of a roller coaster.

I've felt up at times and down at others, and that's not me, at least it shouldn't be me...

Gods really been teaching me the importance of walking in His peace at all times, and a lot of the time I have been, what changed this week I'm really not sure.

But every time I've took some time out, just me and God; talked to Him, praised Him, read His word, listened to Him, I've felt so much better after. Maybe I'm learning something after all!

It's like things come along and block my vision, but as soon as I look back to Jesus everything becomes clear again.

I'm realising that I can't afford to let anything steal that peace from me, emotions, people, things, because God is my Rock and I need to keep my eyes on Him.

I've also been amazed looking back at how faithful God has been. Prayers I've prayed that have been answered without me even realising, and looking back I see how God has provided time and time again.

The people He's sent into my life, the ways He's used me without me even realising, it's like 

Gods placed His hand print on my life. As I look over my life it's like a stick of rock with the name stamped all the way through it, just rather than a seaside town it's Jesus, He's been there, He's brought me through, He's brought things together and worked things out to the exact detail!

I want to be like Stephen when he was brought up before the court, they made false accusations, sought to kill him, but it says He looked up and saw Jesus!

How quickly everything makes sense when we just look at Jesus!

I know God has good plans for me, I know He wants to use me, I want to be in that place where He can.

I seek to be in that place of peace, looking to Him all the time, knowing He's the rock beneath my feet, the one who lifts up my head and makes me everything I am.

Because without Him what am I? And with Him what can't I do?